Up and down

Strange how days of your life can be so different. One day you feel so happy and free and other one you are crying...

Thursday 5th June was just lovely. I went to see my friends who just graduated with a plan of doing nothing and just enjoying the day. What girls could do than shopping? Well, there are other choices but we chose this one. Then girls´ chat in park and in the evening we went to cinema to watch Sex and the City and for dinner in French pancake house. During the day I realized I was spending my time by nothing else than doing nothing and I have to say - what a feeling:)

Friday - day when I made somebody I value a lot unhappy. What to say? All words seem to be meaningless, nonsense and unnecessary. I feel so lost, down, sad, turbid, empty... like a little child who doesn´t know how to get back home... like a little girl who doesn´t need anything else but a warm and tight hug. If I have these feelings how does he feel then? What I did was my decision he only was a suprised receiver.

I feel that telling "I am sorry" is not enough.

Monday was the Day. I was going through final state exam - stress, fear, feeling of lack of knowledge, desperation at the moment I got topics to talk about as they were exactly those which I didn´t have idea what they were about, fight, helpful teachers and a huge luck. That was day I tok master degree. Of course loads of congratulations afterwards, unbelievable relief, questions how I felt... How did I feel? How did I actually feel? That is what is a bit weird... Of course I felt happy as I knew I was very lucky that day. Of course I realized all that stress I undergone was meaningful. Yet I did not have that fantastic feeling of happiness inside I was expecting. Maybe I just did not realize that I really made it. Maybe I did not admit yet my studies are over. I am 24 and all my life I did not actually do nothing else but going to school.

Ithaca

When You set out on Your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge
the Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon - do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on Your path
if Your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches Your spirit and Your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon, You will never encounter,
if You do not carry them within Your soul,
if Your heart does not set them up before You.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer morning are many, when
with such a pleasure, with such a joy
You will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as You can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from sholars.

Always keep Ithaca in Your mind.
To arrive there is Your ultimate goal
but do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when You are old,
rich with all You have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca wil offer You riches.
Ithaca has given You the beautiful voyage
without You would never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give You.

And if You find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived You.
Wise as You have become, with so much experience,
You must already have understood what Ithaca means.

by Constantine Cavafy (1863-1933)

...wish I will not disappoint my wayfarer...

OMG! Final state exam on Monday!!! Panic!!! My plan - nr. of themes learnt per day somehow screwed up (what a suprise...), still whole subject (out of three) to go, no idea what is about and no idea what I will perform on Monday... In previous post I wrote I did not feel nervous... hmmm... it has changed a lot!!! I have nothing (or at least I have such feeling) in my head, I do not have a good mind to learn more as I find many information I have to put into my head useless and I just feel sooo - aiiiii is the only word that could express my current state precisely:)

See? Even now, when I should study hard to at least try to prepare myself I am here writing this post... I will cry on Monday... or hopefully not:) You can never know.

It´s been a while since I wrote last post... a month? Looks like I plan to write a post per month... Well, April is over. Diploma thesis - somehow finished (do not ask me how...), school - finished (do not ask me how...), AIESEC national conference passed, functional meeting with my team and part of transition done... Now I am trying hard to concrentrate on studying for my final state exam to get master degree. For me it is sooo difficult to push myself, sit and get some knowledge into my head... Feel like stuck somehow... And still - I do not feel nervous... Either I rely on my intelligence and experience I have (I mean - so many people have passed before and I am not so stupid...) or I just have such feeling because somehow exam is kind of far... We will see in few weeks how I will feel...

Another thing coming into my mind. I am 24, I already passed bachelor exam, now master is coming. Looks like I will become "adult" soon. I do not feel like I am ready... I mean, still (inside) I feel like a little child, not able to take care about myself, to start to think about daily worries, to feel responsible, to earn money, look for job... At the same time I am sure I will manage but...

In a month I will hopefully get my master and move to Prague to start working. Somehow I still don´t understand it. Weird...

What a busy month March was! After more than a month away I am back home and have weekend off - hurrayyy! What did I do? As a part of transition and getting into my new role as MC member I atteded National Transition Meeting , Presidents Training Camp (or what PTC means:P), delivered some games during Local Training Conference (or what exactly LTC means:P) and spent almost two weeks in St. Petersburg, Russia.

EuroXPRO - conference for more than 40 countries of CEE (Central and Eastern Europe) and WENA (Western Europe and Northern America) AIESEC regions. Conference for new leadership bodies of AIESEC countries. Strategic and functional knowledge discussions, sharing, sessions... new colleagues, friends, parties, lack of sleep, fun... Global Village (representing of various cultures), Russian Night, official dinner... white Russia and frozen sea... and much more - as usually during every AIESEC conference:) Pics HERE.

I will do anything rather than writing my diploma thesis... That is the main reason why I am wasting my time writing this post=P I feel so ineffective - I am able to spend all day long by doing nothing and start working in the evening when I know I am not able to concentrate anymore. Last few weeks were like a tornado - new duties, people, birthday, applying for ITC (really cool and challenging conference) faci, got selected and re-signing due to school and other responsibilities. Looking into my dictionary my schedule will even more busy - aiiiii - stress is coming=P I am going to Russia to attend EuroXPRO on Saturday and will stay there almost two weeks. Then hopefully I will get back home to tell my family I am alive. And it will be already April...

And btw, spring is coming:)

I can´t do it is never the truth... it is a decision. Farouk

aiiiiiiiiiiiii, I made it! I got selected into AIESEC in the Czech Republic MC. So I will become MCVPC - for those who are confused and have no idea what that abbreviation means - Member Committee Vice-president Communication. Still confused?:)

Spring period will be very tough as there is diploma thesis to write, still my math exam to go through, final state examination and transition from current MC. Anyway, I cannot wait for it and whole upcoming year.

Year in a new team, year full of new experience, learning, delivering knowledge, communication (what a surprise:)), nice and tough moments, year spent in Prague, living and working with cool people I have to and want to get to know closer.

Peaceful Warrior

This weekend I watched The Last King of Scotland which was a cool movie but I want to mention another one. Peaceful Warrior. What did I like so much on it? Again, it was about strong personalities, overcoming obstacles, life priorities, relations - simply movie I like. To me, added value also is this movie is based on real events, real person - Dan Millman, former world champion athlete, university coach, martial arts instructor, and college professor. Besides other I found "Dream small" post on Dan´s blog that I fully agree with. Well, I know and believe anybody can do and reach anything s/he wants to. On the other hand I have a feeling we (I) are just too much pushed by others to reach high without knowing who we (I) are and who we (I) want to be - I really mean we or I not my familly, friends, society and its trends.

Some Useful quotes from Socrates (Wiki source) that you can find in movie:
1. Life has three aspects: Paradox, Humour and Change.
2. Paradox: Life is a mystery; don't bother figuring it out.
3. Humor: No matter what circumstances, do not lose your sense of humor.
4. Change: Do not be so sure in life; anything can change.
5. There is never nothing going on. There are no ordinary moments.
6. This moment: The past and the future do not matter; all that matters is now, this moment.
7. It's not the destination that brings happiness, but the journey.
8. The ones hardest to love are the ones who need it the most.
9. Take out the trash from what's inside your head.
10. Empty your mind.
11. Anger, hatred, and violence are only products of fear.
12. People are afraid of what's inside of them; when you are alone lying on your bed, do you feel empty?
13. If you lend someone $20 and they don't come back, it is probably worth it.
14. When making a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich, you must first apply the peanut butter.
15. Every action has its price and its pleasure.

President´s election

A big topic for the Czech Republic nowadays. Who will be the next president of our country? Václav Klaus (current one) or Jan Švejnar?

To be honest, I do not care much as president in CR does not have such a huge power and influence and both of them are really quality candidates from my point of view and I feel ok with both of them. Frankly, I did not watch campaign or news so I do not have many details about their work or so.

Anyway, what I want to mainly talk about is the process of election itself. I would not watch it but as my stepfather watched it on TV I witnessed a bit, too. Well, I do not care about politics and its procedures at all but what I have seen was ridiculous. Election itself was long, boring and the main thing is it did not bring any result. Politics did not elect new president so they will come together again in few days and hopefully they will elect somebody.

Well, I know politics is about negotiation, plenaries, talking. Anyway, this election was a real mock. Not only for me but I think even for media (especially those abroad) and all people living in the Czech Republic.

I know I should be happy I live in such a peaceful and democratic country as the Czech Republic is - and I am. I just felt like I want to share this opinion. Hmmm, my first "politics" post. Cannot I made it:) Somebody like me who does not care about politics almost at all...

Forest (not Gump) in my family

When I arrived back home a week ago following news was waiting for me: "We have bought a forest!" What a hell, what? when? why? shocked and surprised face...

Question nr. 1: Why do we need it?
Question nr. 2: How much was it?

Well, still I do not know why we need it. May be - besides others - because of memories - my mum: "We bob-sleighed there as kids, remember?" Her husband: "I do, and skiing as well. You were scared because of heigh of hill, weren´t you?" ... And then I realized it was not so expensive because... one very simple reason:) There are 32 trees in our forest:) Funny, isn´t it? When I heard it I started to laugh. Of course do not imagine there is just a stripe of a few trees which I call forest - it is just a part of huge forest we own.

So now, besides having mum as a part of municipality and being responsible for writing chronicle of a village my family is forest owner. What a feeling:P

Additional important information:
Village where my mum lives has about 75 inhabitants (no, I did not forget to write "000" it is really so small:)
My mum is a part of municipality (actually, she is "vicemayoress") mainly because she was asked to do so. It was not her intention to do it I guess. You know, find 7 people who will be a part of municipality in a village with about 75 inhabitants is not very easy. It is like searching Magnificient 7:)

hey all people from abroad:) and actually Czech too... I know there are many webpages about the Czech Republic so why not to browse this one? myCzechRepublic starting with some comment about a country:) and try My Czech Republic blog too. Enjoy and see you in CR soon;)

MC Selection

I spent previous days in Prague by running MC selection process. Together with other 11 candidates we applied for some position in Member Committee (MC) of AIESEC in the Czech Republic. After filling in quite a tough application we were invited to go through selection itself. It consisted of Assessment Centre, group discussion on AIESEC topics, interview with current MC members and interview with AIESEC alumni.

Did I feel nervous? Yep, I did. However, atmoshere was very friendly and for me personaly selection itself from the very beginning meant a kind of self reflection - how I am able to find information, what I know and do not know yet and I should, how I can cooperate with others, whether this is what I really want to do, how people perceive me as a potential MC member, what is my opinion on certain topic and if I am able to stand behind it... To be honest, I still do not know how to feel after selection as I still do not know the result. Anyway I feel comfortable as during selection I did not play any role, simply I behaved in my way, expressed my personality and ideas and by this I am satisfied. I realized again I am not a kind of person who can change opinions easily when it seems to be better for career or getting other benefit.

Between interview with current MC and interview with alumni I had free time so I walked in Prague. In Charles Bridge there are many statues which were originally "golden" by due to time, weather conditions and chemical reactions which I do not understand:) they got black. Except of one of them or two small places on one of them. As people still touch it and wish something it remained the same. Do not ask me about the story of this statue as I do not know it. Why am I talking about it? Of course once walking in Prague I had to go there and make a wish. Once I made it I realized even in a stress time of MC selection, even if I want to get there so much, I did not wish to get into MC. Somehow unconsciously I made the same wish as when I was there in June. Does it tell anything about my priorities and values? I have no idea. Wanna know what wish was that? I will not tell you - you know how it works with wish once being told aloud:)

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse tv evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye(Repeat 2)
Until you say goodbye

Affirmation, Savage Garden

My next steps...

So I did it... I applied for Member Committee of AIESEC in the Czech Republic. I made a decision about how I want to spend my next year. Right now I do not have an idea whether I will succeed in selection process. Anyway I will fight, support others, prepare, enjoy, live it... Together with 12 more applicants from the Czech Republic and some internationals.

Wow, I just came back from exam. After looong day full of non effective studies, 2 hours of sleep and "question chance" I made it. Uffff, finaly... I did not feel very comfortable when I went to faculty to pass my exam but now:) Need some sleep and food and probably I will go to city center to buy something to appraise my effort:) Typical woman...

This weekend I attended AIESEC conference concerning leadership. Content and the way of delivery was interesting and worth. We had quite interesting conversations, tried to find our personal values and way of life. I realized or confirmed many facts about me.

I like to be independent in my decisions. I like to express my feelings by dance or singing. It makes me happy to help people. I like simple things and enjoying moments. People generally like my spontaneity and enthusiasm. I am very emotional person relying on feelings a lot.

Conference was very intensive and helped me to "switch off" during long exam period, I could meet friends again and enjoy unique AIESEC conferences atmoshpere again.

Well, I was asked when I will update my blog... hmm what about now? sooo, what did I do? I would say nothing special. Xmas at home, fortunatelly with some snow, first non working NYE after 7(?) years (am I really so old?).

Then during Xmas news about Pakistan... honestly, normally I would not probably pay attention... but as friend of mine is living there I was interested in situation. Well, imagine situation you have some worries about him because of certain situation and besides news that he is safe and alive you also get a news he twisted his ancle. Childish? Stupid? Ridiculous? This is exactly his style.

Now back to school I am trying to handle exams. My last exams in my five year university history. I should probably somehow enjoy them but I do not. And besided mentioned I am taking some action steps to "be a pilot of my future life":)

And as year 2007 is over... To me it was very pleasent year full of new friends, nice places, lovely feelings - simply it was a year I do not want to forget. There are some people running in my head thingking back about 2007 and I want to tell THANK YOU! Who are they? In a huge amount of people I met in 2007 they are Milica, Judy, Geoffrey, Bruna, Piotr, KLepo, Rosťa, Petra, Ivo, Jana, Peťa, mum, bro, Franta, Hartoška, Barbára, Jaro, Peťula, Alex, Kuba, Margreet and may be even YOU:)