Monday was the Day. I was going through final state exam - stress, fear, feeling of lack of knowledge, desperation at the moment I got topics to talk about as they were exactly those which I didn´t have idea what they were about, fight, helpful teachers and a huge luck. That was day I tok master degree. Of course loads of congratulations afterwards, unbelievable relief, questions how I felt... How did I feel? How did I actually feel? That is what is a bit weird... Of course I felt happy as I knew I was very lucky that day. Of course I realized all that stress I undergone was meaningful. Yet I did not have that fantastic feeling of happiness inside I was expecting. Maybe I just did not realize that I really made it. Maybe I did not admit yet my studies are over. I am 24 and all my life I did not actually do nothing else but going to school.

Ithaca

When You set out on Your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge
the Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon - do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on Your path
if Your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches Your spirit and Your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon, You will never encounter,
if You do not carry them within Your soul,
if Your heart does not set them up before You.

Pray that the road is long.
That the summer morning are many, when
with such a pleasure, with such a joy
You will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds,
as many sensual perfumes as You can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from sholars.

Always keep Ithaca in Your mind.
To arrive there is Your ultimate goal
but do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when You are old,
rich with all You have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca wil offer You riches.
Ithaca has given You the beautiful voyage
without You would never set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give You.

And if You find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived You.
Wise as You have become, with so much experience,
You must already have understood what Ithaca means.

by Constantine Cavafy (1863-1933)

...wish I will not disappoint my wayfarer...

OMG! Final state exam on Monday!!! Panic!!! My plan - nr. of themes learnt per day somehow screwed up (what a suprise...), still whole subject (out of three) to go, no idea what is about and no idea what I will perform on Monday... In previous post I wrote I did not feel nervous... hmmm... it has changed a lot!!! I have nothing (or at least I have such feeling) in my head, I do not have a good mind to learn more as I find many information I have to put into my head useless and I just feel sooo - aiiiii is the only word that could express my current state precisely:)

See? Even now, when I should study hard to at least try to prepare myself I am here writing this post... I will cry on Monday... or hopefully not:) You can never know.

It´s been a while since I wrote last post... a month? Looks like I plan to write a post per month... Well, April is over. Diploma thesis - somehow finished (do not ask me how...), school - finished (do not ask me how...), AIESEC national conference passed, functional meeting with my team and part of transition done... Now I am trying hard to concrentrate on studying for my final state exam to get master degree. For me it is sooo difficult to push myself, sit and get some knowledge into my head... Feel like stuck somehow... And still - I do not feel nervous... Either I rely on my intelligence and experience I have (I mean - so many people have passed before and I am not so stupid...) or I just have such feeling because somehow exam is kind of far... We will see in few weeks how I will feel...

Another thing coming into my mind. I am 24, I already passed bachelor exam, now master is coming. Looks like I will become "adult" soon. I do not feel like I am ready... I mean, still (inside) I feel like a little child, not able to take care about myself, to start to think about daily worries, to feel responsible, to earn money, look for job... At the same time I am sure I will manage but...

In a month I will hopefully get my master and move to Prague to start working. Somehow I still don´t understand it. Weird...